The Menendez brothers detailed their abuse. Why didn’t we listen?

The Menedez brothers headline-making case has seen a resurgence in recent months thanks to a Netflix fictional series and subsequent documentary. And in a moment that felt like a pivotal plot twist on Thursday, the Los Angeles DA filed a petition to resentence Erik and Lyle Menendez, citing new evidence that shed light on sexual abuse the brothers said they suffered at the hands of their father.
Prosecutors in the ’90s dismissed the abuse claims as untrue. But we’ve come a long way since then.
That’s because sexual violence “is not just about individual behavior but fundamentally about societal and institutional behavior as well,” explains Jennifer Freyd, an expert on interpersonal and institutional betrayal trauma and sexual violence. The court reexamining the Menendez case indicates an institution reckoning with change.
And it’s not just one case bringing attention to sexual abuse of male victims. Diddy is facing an onslaught of federal racketeering and sex trafficking charges. Plus, former Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries was charged with operating an international sex trafficking scheme.
Freyd is hopeful this continued awareness will make the world a safer place.
“There is still a long way to go, particularly regarding awareness of the extent and damage of family abuse of children, a profound type of betrayal trauma,” she says. But this is a start. “Also, like any liberation movement and consciousness raising efforts, progress is bumpy.”
What has led to change over the past few decades? Survivors, researchers, journalists and allies investing time into discussing these issues. Adjacent social movements, too, brought attention to sexual violence. Think the women’s movement of the 1970s.
Overall, though, it’s society’s tolerance toward sexual harassment, assault and abuse that has changed.
“For a very long time, survivors did not name their experiences of sexual abuse and assault because they were dismissed and normalized,” says Laura Palumbo, communications director of the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. “Survivors were silenced by the culture’s acceptance of rape myths and pattern of victim blaming.”
The #MeToo movement of 2017 opened the floodgates for discussion about all things sexual abuse, misconduct and consent. Younger generations are much more aware of consent today than their parents’ generation and are passing it along to their children. Gen Z and Gen Alpha are growing up with consent as an inherent part of the conversation. Many colleges in a Title IX world now even require consent and harassment workshops to register for classes. They’re a mainstay in workplaces, too.
And “when courts take these issues seriously that can promote institutional courage,” Freyd adds.
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Male victims face unique challenges because of stereotypes around masculinity that suggest men are not victims, men can handle it, men always enjoy sex. 
“Historically, sexual assault on a man was also an attack on masculinity,” says Amy Morin, psychotherapist, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.” “Questions like, ‘Why didn’t you resist an attacker?’ prevented men from talking about it. There was a myth that a ‘real man can’t be sexually assaulted.’ Laws across much of the world were only made to protect female victims, which implied that a man couldn’t be a victim of sexual assault.”
Male sexual victimization entered the public discourse with the Catholic Church scandals in 2002. “The accusations were so widespread that even if you believed that a specific priest did not abuse a boy it was no longer credible to believe that sexual victimization of boys did not take place,” says Richard Gartner, psychologist and psychoanalyst.
Morin says those high-profile cases were a turning point: “Mental health professionals, who have been aware that men can be sexually abused, used the media frenzies about those court cases to shed light on this important issue.”
In recent years, further strides have been made. The destigmatized mental health has “reduced victim-shaming and blaming,” says Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker. Online discourse about mental health has surged.
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The internet can be a helpful space or a nightmare for sexual abuse survivors. They find camaraderie as easily as they find bullying and harassment. Everyone is also just seeing a lot more sex − porn is now accessible on our phones, our computers, our smartwatches.
“Although the constant exposure is harmful, it has allowed for an open conversation on sexual freedom versus sexual abuse and sexual choice versus sexual coercion,” psychologist Reneé Carr says.
“I do see progress over the past three to four decades,” Freyd says, “and I am optimistic it will continue.”